“I know who I am. I’m the dude playin’ the dude, disguised as another dude!” – Kirk Lazarus
It seems as of late that nothing seems to scratch the itch. Work, hobbies, studying, working out, religion, planning stuff, executing plans, it all is worthwhile but I have this nagging feeling that something is missing even when I do all the things that I want to do. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do things that bring me joy, but at the same time it feels like regardless of how far the metaphorical wave pushed me up the beach from the ocean, I feel like I’m dragged right back into the undertow.
I have a pretty active imagination and tend to do a lot of daydreaming and scheming. Thinking about potential businesses, creative projects, and lofty goals. I feel like sometimes that active imagination tends to put me in a position where I get over-encumbered by just the thought of those goals. Almost as if I get anxious about dreams and goals that I haven’t even started yet and this compounds with the goals I already have.
Writing things out helps to allow me a space to process what I’m feeling and isolate what causes these emotions… but what if this is just the way my brain works and I’m not locked in here with those emotions, they’re locked in with me? I’m starting to believe that it’s somewhat selfish of me to live in a way where I believe that I don’t deserve my own successes. I’ll continue to channel my brain into creative outlets to avoid overthinking and work on keeping myself grounded in the here and now.
I have been reading through Marcus Aurelius’s meditations and feel that this sums up what I should strive to do in this moment:
“If ever we should forget our own insignificance, we might as well do the best we can in this moment we were given; and when we must return to whence we came, we will be able to do so with acceptance and equanimity because it is just a natural part of life’s cycle.”
Cheers Y’all,
Will
W Is For Will 
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